Blondi the Were-bitch

My original review for Lady Lazarus by Michele Lang was just the word ‘eh’ and a picture of a kitten.

I’ve been feeling all procrastinaty and grumpy after selling all my things and dragging my former roommate kicking and screaming from my apartment.  But then I realized I wasn’t being fair to you or Michele Lang, so I made some popcorn and decided to do some research.

See, I don’t want my review to be colored by the fact that I’ve been uber-busy and stressed the last week.  I mean, maybe this book IS impossible to put down, but I just didn’t get to find that out because I literally HAD to put it down hundreds of times to pack my collection of vintage dog books or write descriptions of a thousand computer things that I don’t know anything about for ebay.  According to my research, pretty much everyone on Amazon loves it.  Good Reads reviews are a little more varied, but still majority positive.

But you know what?  I didn’t.  I really didn’t like it.  You’d think that a book about magical Jewish witches (descended from the witch that helped Solomon build the temple) that can continually rise from the dead, Hungarian vampires, Nazi werewolves, and a demon-possessed Hitler (that makes sense actually) would be enough for any girl.  But for me the plot just lagged along. I didn’t really care about Magda, the fantastically powerful witch who doesn’t want to be a witch (WHEN is that going to stop being a thing?!  The last five witch related books have magical better-than-everyone protaganists who don’t want anything to do with their powers.  I’m writing a book about a witch who is awesome and brags about it all the time).   I didn’t really care about Magda’s beautiful, delicate-flower little sister who prophesied the holocaust blood-bath.  I couldn’t even muster up any admiration for the arch-angel Raziel (who ends up being not that impressive, to my mind, for an avenging angel of God), who inexplicably falls in love with Magda (natch).  Magda spends a lot of time walking in the forest and complaining.

But Michele needs some positive feedback here.  So, I will mention my favorite part of the book–Blondi the werebitch.  Yes, when Hitler’s girlfriend Eva Braun tires of being a Aryan princess, she turns into Blondi, his pet German Shepherd/werewolf.  True, German Shepherds can’t really be werewolves (as one Amazon reviewer indignantly points out, they are GENETICALLY DIFFERENT canines), but also werewolves aren’t real, so I’ll give Michele some artistic leeway.  Disappointingly, Blondi the werebitch only appears for about two sentences, but I’m hoping that she gets more play in the follow-up novel.


About rhymenocerous

rhymenocerous combines a fondness for hip hop with her love of the serengeti. Her soft spot for kids in space is eclipsed only by her passion for time-travelling children. She eats too much cake and frequently pretends her dachshund speaks French. View all posts by rhymenocerous

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